Fresh start!

Hello lovelies! I'm back! I'm feeling emotionally healthy (ha for today) and pretty good about things, but I just look awful! I am going to try to do this the healthy (and therefore SLOW) way. 152 today with a goal of 142 by my wedding in September!! My dress has a corset built in thank God, but I had a dream that my arms looked huge, so will have to concentrate on toning too!

Short term goal 149 by April 1st!!

153.5

153.5...I feel the same, but the scale doesn't lie right? I'm slipping back to eating more processed foods, so I just have to keep reminding myself that I deserve fresh, nutritious food! Really want to be 150 by the time I get back from CA on April 19th! Fingers crossed! xo

Spring Time Fresh Start!

Hello lovelies,

Thank you so much for your amazing comments; it really helps! I am feeling so much better, and things are really looking up. The boy and I have been hard core working on our relationship, deciding whether to to break up or really take it to the next level, and I am pleased to report that things are SO much better. Our communication is so much better than it was which makes me so much happier in every other aspect of my life, and we've just worked through so much stuff. The extra daylight is not hurting either!!

I ballooned up to 162.5 pounds, but I have been eating 90% clean (a few cheats, but cheats like low fat mayo and parmesian cheese, not mozzarella sticks lol) following Tosca Reno's Cooler #1 plan, and in 1.5 weeks I have lost some weight. I am now down to 156.5, and it feels great!! I'm not working out yet because I just want to ease into it not punish myself. In a week or two my clothes might even start to fit ;)!

My play opens on April 6th, so I want to be 155 by then.

Then, I'm going home to sit by the pool with my best freind, so I want to be 150 by April 15th, so I can feel good.

I want to audition for Wonder Woman in a web series in late April, and of course, the competition is fierce, so I have to be in SHAPE! Want to be 145 by May 1st, so at least I'm almost there by late April without rushing myself too much. I think I can totally do it, especially once I start hitting the gym again. I just want to stay focused on how much better I feel when I am treating my body well.

Hope you are all well! xoxo Be good to yourselves! Let's get in shape; summer is almost here!

over it

Officially out of control.  157.5 and i had a bagel for bfast...this self-sabotage has to stop.

In such a bad mood today.  Bf picked a fight with me as soon as he got home from work yesterday and then instead of apologizing blamed me and was like im sorry you're unhappy with your weight you must've had a bad day. I was like no my day was great until you walked in the damn door! ugh!

Then today when we woke up, he announces that he's not going to my friend's bday party tonight because...get this...he wants to stay home with THE CAT. the Cat. granted we did just get her on sunday, but it's the perfect excuse not to have to go out with me.  I have to go to a 24th bday party (and remember how young and thin and happy I was on my 24th...im going to be 27 next month~ officially old), and she's gorgeous, perfect body, perfect lawyer bf, perfect sweet personality, and now I have to go alone.

and then i have to go to this stupid frat brother wedding on sat with all his friends who know the sorority girl he dated when we were apart who's blond and tan and like 5 feet tall and 90 pounds, and I'm huge and pale and I just feel like I can't compete.  And I hate my bf right now, and I hate having to go to weddings and be jealous of idiots that are signing their lives away.

And my auditions are going no where, and I'm broke and I'm just so fat and miserable. Sorry to rant. I just feel so alone and fat. I'm over trying to be healthy... I just want to disappear.

oy vey!

And I've gained more weight. 155.5 ugh!  (The good news is I'm down from 163 a few days ago when my family was visiting yuck!) I miss having a flat tummy!! I swear I used to look like this girl!

I'm going to see family/friends on Columbus Day weekend, so I really want to be 150 by October 8th!!

No matter what I have a wedding to go to on October 23rd, so I must be thinner by then!  147 at least!!

Then I have to be 145 for Halloween!! Here are the costumes I want ~ the peacock looks kind of dumb now, but it might be cute with tights.

Then big christening on November 14th ~ my bf's the godfather, and I have to wow his bitchy cousins ~ 142 I hope I can do it!! Let's get skinny ladies!!